Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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