Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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