Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
