We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
