Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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