i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
