I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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