The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
