I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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