i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
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My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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