seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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