Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We need to rekindle our bromance
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
