I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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