bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The best revenge is premature balding
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
