I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
