My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
