did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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