I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
