"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
