youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
