I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
