no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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