accomplished twins. life is a go
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
