Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can I color on your dick again?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
