1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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