So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i drank out of a bidet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
