Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
