Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
