what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
