never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
