So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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