Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
