Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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