she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
