I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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