I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We don't watch enough power rangers
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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