maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
