she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
