hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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