I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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