I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
