went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm passing your future prison.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The air was thick with penises
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
