So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
