dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
