And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
