Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
