Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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