i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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