she told me i tasted like america
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
