I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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