Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Are we still banned from the library?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
