Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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