you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
