Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My butt remains clenched, sir.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
