Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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