Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
