How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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