i don't plan on having that self control this summer
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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