im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
