Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
