I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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