Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
