I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
