ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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