Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
