So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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