this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
