I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
