the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
