he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize