i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
